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GM 🦁 This is Andrew's Apples, the health newsletter that makes you hotter naked (and smarter clothed). Hot, Fire! All in under 2 min. Let's go picking.
🥤 Coke dealing. No, not that one, you fiend (my guess is that the cocaine business has slowed since ODs have spiked from fentanyl contamination). Big Soda is alive and well, flying in the face of the "proliferation" of wellness-yogini culture in the Paper Belt. People be people at the end of the day :/ Inflation? Sure. Supply chain snags? Yup. Diminishing number of giant vending machines? No doubt. Coke doesn't care: their sales grew by 16%, shoving inflation into the basement. Forever the Apple of Soda, old habits die hard, especially 130 years old. And I wonder: do we really wanna live in a world w/o Coke?
🐮 Majoring in Veganism. So, hundreds of US colleges are set to embrace plant-based cafeteria menus. Better for the animals? Sure. Smaller carbon footprint? Methinks. Healthier? ...healthier, right? Is anyone there? Hello?! Answer me!!! When these self-congratulating reports make mention of Impossible "meat," JUST "Egg" and MorningStar Farms’ "meat" without ever once addressing health or nutrition, you know something is up. As someone who is actively in the food CPG business, I can tell you that this is a virtue-driven money grab. Read the labels, gang. The term plant-based actually meant something in, say, 2015; but now it's fully coopted by the Big Food monolith. Planet-based is a more apt term (see: biodynamic farming) as it accounts for the health of people, soil, flora, and fauna. Everybody needs to be in the mix!
🗑️ The truth hurts. In classic trigger-happy fashion, Bon Appetit published a piece last week about how we need to cancel "junk food" from our vocab. The author said: "It does not make you a worse person to eat 'junk' food, and it certainly doesn’t make you a better person to eat whole grains." Uh, ok, odd, yeah sure. Junk food is junk food and policing language does not change that fact. *deep exhale* Look, people understand when they're being mean to others, and if grade school taught us anything, the substitute teacher never convinces the little rascal to settle down with her needling words. Only a carrot can do that.
🔲 Normally distributed. This tweet below. Lies lies lies smh. "Normal," from a health perspective in America, is shit. Full stop. And ah yes, it's also sad that today we equate the American flag or even the word "freedom" with right-wing wack jobs, or alternatively, a Ukrainian flag with left-wing lunatics. These depictions are a disease, making us dumb.
How do you like them Apples? Feedback? Something you want covered? If you ever need anything, hit reply. Love hearing from readers.
Your friend,
Andrew🍎
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