More like oaf milk

Dear apple army 🧃

Here's your daily dose of Andrew's Apples, a small white bag of four fresh *fruits* to nourish your soul and make you smile. Let's go picking. 

1. 🕰️ The other Parkinson's 'disease'. There is an ugly byproduct of bureaucracy called Parkinson's Law, which means that "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion". For example, if you give yourself two hours to complete a task that only should take 30 minutes of deep focus, you'll waste those additional 90 minutes scrolling Twitter and staring at the ceiling. Nearly everyone does this in 2022, and it's sad because that time is better spent hanging with friends, buying shitcoins, and getting hot.

2. 🤦 More like oaf milk. If you live in a city with at least a smattering of diehard socialists, you've seen oat milk. What the 'it' girls drink and already a $6 billion market. Rest assured: it's shit, the spawn of Satan, irredeemable garbage that evil marketing sorcerers have convinced us is good. Loaded to the gills with rancid seed oils (canola, rapeseed) and a host of sneaky chemicals, oat milk is a cold glass of lies. If you like fat in your coffee like me, reach for heavy cream or a simple nut milk like almond. It's a Herculean effort to try stopping these Darth Vader food enterprises from preying on bovine America. But I'll try, fellow comrade.

3. 🏋️‍♂️ Mightochondria: the powerhouse of the cell. Had to dust off some archived PBS high school curriculum sh*t. Your mitochondria are pretty important, as they generate energy for the whole body by burning either sugar or fat. And as I've said before, 88% of Americans are metabolically inflexible, which means their mitochondria suck at their job. This leads to all sorts of chronic disease and accelerated aging (i.e., the mother of all diseases). Heal your mitochondria through lowering stress (sauna session, sex), resistance training (weights, burpees), and a clean diet (cool it w/ the deli meat). Happy mite, happy life.

4. 🦞 Off the *seefood* diet. Health idiots and idols alike have grappled for centuries over what makes people fatter or less fat. No definitive conclusions have been printed (ah, science), but the closest we got is a stupidly simple directive: burn more calories than you eat. At a whopping 70% overweight/obesity rate, people in general eat whatever they see. Queue the double-wide seatbelts on airplanes and the motorized carts inside K-Mart. Of the top four killers in the US (cancer, heart disease, stroke, lung disease), the latter three can by and large be abated by getting off the seefood diet.

How do you like them Apples? Any bad ones? Suggestions? If you ever need anything, bang my line. 

Your friend, 

Andrew 🍎 

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