Eating sh*t

Dear picker of apples 🤏

Here's your daily dose of Andrew's Apples, a small white bag of four fresh *fruits* to nourish your soul and make you smile. And hopefully weep. Let's go picking. 

1. 🍕 Eating shit. Social critic Camille Paglia in 1994 said, freedom means rejecting dependency. Sadly most Americans, though free in some sociopolitical sense, are decidedly unfree in their addiction to hyperpalatable food (what I warmly refer to as "shit"). Remember Chuck E. Cheese? I do. Unreal pizza, child snot smeared on every joystick, the demonic bug-eyed animatronic musical band. Their slogan was: Where a kid can be a kid. This on some level is true as I think kids should feel the prepubescent "hangover" of an afternoon filled w/ root beer and cotton candy. Though I'd tweak the slogan to: Where a kid can be kidnapped by Big Soda and Big Cheese. The cost to such kidnapping is an afternoon in the bathroom stall. Freedom ain't free, friend.

2. 👣 Hit the bricks, pal. As biochemist and health expert Robb Wolf said in his 2017 book Wired to Eat, "until recently humans moved to survive... walking 5 to 10 miles most days." Today we walk less than a half mile every day, shuffling from garage to car to office to Instagram newsfeed and back again. Do whatever you can to get 5,000-7,000 steps in: cancel a dumb meeting, claim you got covid, say you're busy virtue-signaling online about Ukraine. Then download an episode of that edgy comedy podcast and let her rip!

3. 🏃 Running in circles. We see it every day: an average person on a run, with terrible form, maybe wearing jeans, hammering their heels into the concrete, and... they look like they want to kill themselves. Don't be that average person. An esteemed running coach in NYC taught me that when you run it should be on your toes not heels (otherwise you're pounding 7x your body weight on each step) and unless you're prepping for a contest you should limit distances to 2 miles/week. To boot, once you learn that ~25% of your body's bones are in your feet, you won't treat this as a joke. Not saying you shouldn't run - be my guest - just saying you shouldn't run until your form cleans up.

4. 🍏 Upsetting the apple cart. As a seller of Apples, I'm flirting with professional suicide when I say you should not be eating apples (or fruit generally) in any meaningful quantity until you lean out. Lean means <15% body fat for men, <25% body fat for women. Look, certain fruits provide antioxidants that cannot be found in vegetables, but fruits also contain fructose (a form of sugar) which inevitably slows down any weight loss effort. However not all fruits are created equal: organic berries and citrus, e.g., are health foods, while bananas and pineapples are closer to chocolate cake. I don't make the rules, ma'am. Employ the "equator rule" which states that the closer to the equator the fruit grows, the lesser its nutritional density. In the spirit of making you look good naked, I don't want you going pear-shaped.

How do you like them Apples? Any bad ones? Suggestions? If you ever need anything, bang my line. 

Your friend, 

Andrew 🍎 

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