- Andrew's Apples 🍎
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- How to make it
G-morning pirates 🏴☠️
Here's your daily dose of Andrew's Apples, a small white bag of four fresh *fruits* to nourish your soul and make you feel great. All in under 2 minutes. Let's go picking.
🖕 How to make it. Lol just kidding. Anytime anyone tells you "how to make it," run for the hills. Unless their dewy skin glows like god and their posture perfectly erect, don't down the supplements they're buying. Don't pay the trainer they're overpaying. Online, Twitter is crawling with cartoonish greed-clowns trying to shill their organic pork rinds or "contemporized Capri Sun" juice box or whatever. The answers are always a lot simpler than you think: eat clean, sweat daily, commune, have sex (congrats btw), don't wallow, stay light, look hot (don't conflate w vanity; beauty is pinnacle of nature). Can't change your height or heredity, but that's about it. You don't make it, you make You. Promise to body sh*t!
🌋 'Smoke' if ya got 'em. Smoking kills, kids. But nicotine does not. Addictive chemical? Yes. Fun and productive chemical if used right? YES. One vice I picked up in early covid days was chewing tasty nicotine gum. My thinking was: it's 2pm, I'm underslept, the coffee ran out, and I need an exogenous boost to keep staring at my laptop. Biohacker Ben Greenfield promoted such gum as a solution to an afternoon slump - and I bit. Hard. I've never been more than a party puffer my whole life; one time in Chicago I even bought my own pack to "study" for a financial certification exam (and obvi to look sick!)... I tossed the pack after two darts and then tried throwing up. But the gum hits different, and I finally understand what art critic Peter Schjeldahl said in his great essay on death and smoking: Nicotine stimulates and relaxes. Up and down. Hell of a drug and I chew it up.
🦾 Chin up, feller. Chin-ups are really good for you. If you know, you know. If you can't do them right now, fret not. You can use an assistance device found at most (bad) gyms, BUT instead try: hopping up to the top position so your chin is above the bar, then slowly lowering (i.e. eccentric movement) for progressively increased time under tension. First lower for 5 seconds until your arms are 100% straight. Good! Work up to 30 seconds lowering. Once you're at 30s, it's time for a full chin-up without any hop or help. Should be a lot less difficult, even after a week of practice. During yoga handstand training, my teacher taught us to stop using the wall as soon as possible. You need to feel the weight of your body unassisted. And you must feel the feeling that you're not going to die. Oh, the lying mind. Same rule applies to the eccentric chin up.
🏃 Cardio destroys the wrong weight. Someone at dinner the other night said, I know so many people who've completed marathons and look... terrible. We all know a guy who has the lungs of a leopard but is built like a Berkshire pig. Well, it turns out that jogging and "mom cardio" are bad for weight loss, due to the destruction of muscle tissue in the process. HIIT + weights > Cardio, when it comes to burning fat. You might as well build some muscle while you trim down. For guys: chronic endurance exercise like running or cycling for hours on end not only wrecks muscle tissue (in a bad way) but appears to lower testosterone levels. Moderation in all of these protocols is advised, but if you're going to get monomaniacally addicted to one, don't let it be the jog.
How do you like them Apples? Suggestions? Hate me? If you ever need anything, hit reply.
Your friend,
Andrew 🍎
smh: Betty from Rugrats liked "the jog"
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