- Andrew's Apples 🍎
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- Olympically impaired
G-morning 🦊
This is Andrew's Apples, a small white bag of four fresh *fruits* to nourish your soul and make you feel great. Kind of like The Masters (and its timeless theme song), which started yesterday (pls watch w your dad). All this in under 2 minutes. Let's go picking.
💍 Olympically impaired. I was seven when I first saw the Sprite tv commercial featuring the late Kobe Bryant. My baby brain went: well, if Kobe like it, den... It was a good ad in that it worked, making me conflate soda with scoring. (The twentieth century had a lot of good ads, in fact.) Both then and now, the peak of global competitive sport is the Olympics, a contest whose main sponsor is, yes, Coca Cola. You read that right. And until about five years ago, McDonald's was, too. Smh...where am I and WHAT is going on? This all stems back to addiction (greed, food, sickness). Addiction can be defined as any repeated behavior that does not produce the results you want. White sugar is America's most cherished and storied addiction. So of course, sugar water and food-from-hell, respectively, may be just the playbook for our increasingly obese and illiterate youth who think e-sports are sports. Where do kids today turn to for inspiration when the very athletes they admire - whose bodies and movements are literally the pinnacle of nature - sit atop Mount Olympus with a Coke in their hand?
🥑 Here's a thot. It is estimated that the average human has 50,000 thoughts per day, and over 80% of them are negative. Good thinkin'. And 95% of those 50,000 allegedly are identical to the day prior. Net-net, we are not too original in our day-to-day thinking. Now, don't blow your lid and go all scientific-materialist on me over these numbers - they are estimates, and look me in the eye and tell me those percentages are far off from your own life. For most people, 80% is at least in the right 'zip code'. What would happen to your holistic health goals, like weight loss or reduced stress, if you rewired your mind (re-mind, if you will) and flipped that 80% to 08%? Lloyd Dobbler in Say Anything pulled it off and that awkward beanpole was in high school and guess what: he gets the girl.
🧖♀️ Brave Robotch. I was recently browsing the local health foods store after a long day of staring at screens, and I came across a fun-looking pint of ice cream. It's called Brave Robot, complete with cringe "Go-Planet!" stickers and a "For A Delicious Future" tagline. Ok Brave Robot, you have part of my attention, the minimum amount. The product leverages molecular biology to marry the taste of dairy ice cream with the sustainable footprint of plant-based ice cream. Sounds good to the venture capitalist, go on. But then, folks, you peep the back label: it contains all the wacky ingredients found in most vegan foods (that should've been banned by the FDA decades ago) and a cool 84 grams of white sugar. Eight-four big ones of the white devil. Sheesh. Nothing brave about that. And recall that a robot is only as useful as its creator's intentions and its code. It appears this creator crawled out of the Big Dairy wormhole, nabbed a computer science degree, and thinks he saved the planet.
🦄 New normal. This tweet below. The only normies I like are political ones: because they care a little bit about a couple things (small business, social safety net - y'know cute stuff) and let the radical twitter vultures peck at the remains. Aside from that, normal means average, and the average bovine American is NOT doing so hot.
How do you like them Apples? Suggestions? Hate me? If you ever need anything, hit reply.
Your friend,
Andrew🍎
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