Peaches is Back 🍑

Morning 🦁 Today we welcome back after a long hiatus the honorable Maggie aka Peaches. She has been doing some traveling in South America but her sharp pen bleeds red, white, and blue. We missed her critical eye. The stage is hers…

💂 If I may be so bald. I have glanced off this subject in a previous Apples, but men’s hair loss anxiety appears to be escalating the world around. Anecdotal evidence includes one follicular unit transplant victim who wanted to date me in Argentina, and a 26-year-old Brazilian I actually dated who frequently lampooned me for drawing too much attention to his scalp. Hair loss has long been inevitable for most dudes, but apparently that demo is ballooning. I’ll put aside what I know you all are thinking (it’s in the water! The frogs are gay!) and say this: I doubt declaring all hair loss a condition requiring “constant treatment and monitoring” does anyone any favors. And another thing: this bald monk is like the hottest guy I ever saw.

🩹 Sad is good. People don’t care about anything anymore because we gave up on being happy or something. Here’s a hot take: you don’t have to be happy. Actually, I think you should go out of your way to get sad. The next time you feel numb, try dialing into the hairline heartbreaks all around you. Check out the old lady at the grocery store choosing between cans of beans. Watch how everyone on the train ignores the guy anti-gravity twirling around the pole (“Clap for nobody getting kicked in the face!”). Up the block, a pack of kids charges ahead while the runt trailing behind them shouts, “Wait for me!”

Joy and despair are bedmates; you can’t have one without the other. Think of apathy as the purity sheet laid thinly between them. Your job is to whittle them a glory hole—even a pinprick can be enough—which you do by making a habit out of paying attention. If you can get to one, you’ll get to the other, and G*d will take care of the rest.

How about them Peaches? Hit us with any comments or questions or hate speech. All is encouraged.

Maggie 🍑 + Andrew🍎 

Andrew's Apples 🍎 The very-tight health email that enriches your genetic potential. Sign up your gang here: andrewsapples.beehiiv.com